October, What Can I Say?

It's October. It's generally my favorite month of the year- a touch of crisp fall air finally infiltrates the stagnant Texas heat. Halloween... need I say more? The holiday season kicks off, promises of gathering family and friends, drinks and smiles, excitement, travel plans, twinkling lights, all of the things about the dark days of winter that I love start to roll themselves neatly into the shorter days and cold nights.

My last couple of Octobers have kind of sucked. Two years ago, Em came down with swine flu, and the virus sadly put the kibosh on a surprise birthday party my lovely husband and friends had planned for me. Last year, the same when Jackson had to be admitted to the hospital for IVs. We have a lot going for us right now, and I guess I'm feeling like the other shoe may drop at any time.

So on the bright side (my favorite side), we have a lot going for us! We are in the middle of buying a house (and what a process that is), Mike is working with a local Fire Department (yay!), and it has now officially been a year since Jackson was hospitalized! We have a lot to celebrate and be thankful for, and a whole lot to get done. I am trying to start the packing (and purging of crap I don't want to move with us) although we've yet to set a closing date.

In addition to trying to keep my head amidst the madness, I'm trying not to get superstitious. Jacks came down with what seemed to be some obvious allergies at the time, but they turned into respiratory CRAP, and he's now on day 3 of a course of Bactrim. And really folks, I know being in the hospital a year ago this month has no impact on what will become of this situation, I know that's ridiculous, but still, for the sake of honesty, I have to admit it has me a bit twitchy. I'm not even afraid of a hospital stay, per se. Granted they are inconvenient as all get out, they split up our family, are painful for Jackson, and burn our candles ...wherever they can burn when both ends are already lit- but they do what they need to do. They get Jackson back to his best state of health, and that's a good thing. And oh yeah- did I mention this is all pretty superfluous because he's only on day 3 of his antibiotics and will probably be fine?


Separately, does anyone else have a hard time being bubbly about their own good fortune when others around them are suffering hardships? I've had some friends get terrible news lately. I know they would want me to be happy for the things that are good for us, but I feel ...I don't know...guilty? In case I haven't mentioned it yet, feelings are frequently stupid. I have a hard time with gray area. I want everyone to be happy. I'm either happy or sad, I don't really have middle ground, or rather, this is how clumsily I navigate it.

This is probably one of my most poorly written blogs in terms of having any sort of cohesive statement or story, huh? I'm going to publish it anyway though, because that's kind of how my head feels. It's chaos in there, kids! I wanted to write to update on things- The House- our impossible dream, is materializing before our eyes- or at least in email and contract form at this point. My physical health is good & I'll be seeing less of my own doctors for a while, which is fine by me. The kids are doing great, save for J's current snot festival. But yes, things are also crazier than usual. How many more times can I say that line and not lose you? It's true, I swear it. And I don't really expect it to slow down before the end of the year, at least. It's going so fast. Jackson will be two in the blink of an eye. I'm getting ahead of myself.

Everything happens ONE MOMENT AT A TIME. Slow it down.